Episode 8

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Episode 8
Special Guests: None
Writing Prompt: Cursed Books
Episode Link: Episode 8

This is the eighth episode of Fantasy Fiction and the prompt is Cursed Books. The duo were on the ContinueCast where they wrote stories (these stories are under Episode 7.5: ContinueCast). This week Josh watched Ghostbusters and House movies. Dom played and spent money on Hearthstone. Dom is ready for Halloween.

Josh's Story

Title: The Book of Cursed Curses, Punitive Punishments and Redundant Horrors.

We open with Ozric Dibledorph; he is reverse-Hitler of being well regarded. He has a super hot wife that gives the best BJs. He is rich in gold and quality of life. He made his money being a premier alchemist of Daranos, and he invented Hiccup Potion and Karate Tonic. Ozric is also way pretty and has a big ole wang. Dude made Life his bitch, and fingered Life's best friend Fate so many times, you could smell the destiny on his fingers. On this day, Ozric in contemplation life; he's lived a great 207 years on Jjuushdum, but he is now bored. He decides to read the one book he has never read, The Book of Cursed Curses, Punitive Punishments and Redundant Horrors. Ozric is also a wizard of farts, fyi. The cursed book grows spider legs and promises to make Ozric a King forever. The book asks Ozric to make one potion filled will all sorts of stuff. Ozric's wife enters to help with the brew; the book makes an aside about wanting to fuck his wife. The final ingredient, says the book, is for Ozric himself to enter the cauldron; he happily agrees because he assumes he gets to be naked, then he gets naked. While in the potion, a fly flies into the liquid causing a reaction. Out of the cauldron crawled out his Ozric's new form, Flyman, King of Sadness and Despair (bumm, bumm, baaaawawawawawawaaa... what a twist). Flyman could not feel anymore joy, which led to him losing all his friends and money. Ozric's wife then sucks the books dick. Two days later, Ozric's ex-wife and the book got married.

Dom's Story

Title: Bone Dungeon!

On a dark evening in Orcspire, a Frightnore is enjoying some WW in his wizard tower, listening to Battle Keg's newest album: WARRIORS SWORN TO ALE: he was digging on track #3, 'Intoxicated and Eviscerated'. Frightnore is enjoying himself; he reminisces on murdering Slorgman. Te hears a knock on his door. Annoyed, he walks down to the door only too see nobody was there. He ponders about Slorgman's skeleton then begins to walk away, only to hear another knock at the door. He ponders if could be Slorgman's ghost. When he opens the door this time to find nothing but a package on his door step. The package is from the Wizlastic Book Club, a book club only wizard know about; they pay using Wizard Tokens. Frightnore was happy, yet confused, he did not order anything for Wizlastic, he was saving his tokens for a cool new hoodie. Frightnore opens the package to find a book glowing green. He is ecstatic because he thinks the book is an advanced copy of 'Dueling Dudes 3: Revenge of Hot Lava Mountain,' written by one of his favorite author, Daniel J. Noodleman. The book begins to float then spoke to Frightnore. Frightnore is upset it isn't 'Dueling Dudes.' The book opens and sends Frightnore into Bone Dungeon. Frightnore found himself in a stone hallway; he was too high for this. Frightnore comes across something unspeakable: a skeleton wearing 7 different hats, a Hat Skeleton if you will, taking a shower and singing about ladies and his obsession with hats (#kissmeonmyskeletonlips). Frightnore was disghusted, and kicked the hats off his head. The hats melt, then Frightnore freezes the skeleton for 1000 years. He the comes across two trolls in a cell. The trolls were watching some skeletons playing Ragic: The Quest For The Spelldragon. The skeletons don't really know what they're doing; they begin to brawl and they all end up dead. The two trolls are brothers named Swarg and Blarg. The two are also engineers. Frightnore frees them using his laser-beam eyes. The trolls tell Frightnore that Slorgman is the warden of the prison. The trolls tell Frightnore to leave the cell while they work on their secret plan to escape. After exactly one moment, he reentered the cell to see a goddamn Bonecar. Frightnore is pumped and turns into a werewolf. They all hop in the car and they start to rampage through the jail: Battle Keg's new album began playing out of nowhere. Slorgman, wearing a crown and eating pie, finally sees Frightnore; he tries to do something, but he was too covered in pie. The bonecar hits Slorgman and Frightnore peels out on Slorgman's head for four hours; Slorgman dies again. The three are teleported back to Frightnore's Tower. Frightnore takes the book, grinds it up, rolled it into a doobie, then the three of them smoked it and got super high because smoking magic gets you magically high.

Chamber of Knowledge (Hall of Secrets?)

Reeses, The Wize and Old Snickerdoodle are 2 wizards that know all things about Daranos and Orcspire.

Q1: Who benefits from The Pain Mines?

A1: The owners of The Pain Mine benefit, as well as those whom enjoy pain.

Q2: Where does Throm live?

A2: He does not have a home; he is always on the move, conquering and drinking. He is a machine of sex and death.

Q3: Has anyone been able to locate Rave Rubies?

A3: No.

Q4: Why does Throm not like the idea of a meeting of Darryl's?

A4: Darryl is a fucker, and he'll get'cha.

Q5: Does Snickerdoodles mean the same thing in Jjuushdum as it does in the Earth realm?

A5: They know nothing about our world, but in their world it means "High ranking, officer wizard, with lots of knowledge.

Q6: Who were your teachers in wizardcollege, and how epic/tragic were your duels for supreme power? A6: Reeses lost a testicle. Snickerdoodle's duels were "YOLO." SD's teachers beat the students throughout his years in college.

Q7: Was Wizard Weed (and other cool things) legalized after Slorgman died, or did some other lame-o take his place as king jerk?

A7: They are still illegal the law does not change with one man's death. Bureaucracy!

Q8: (not a question) Lets hear some info about the spiritual inhabitants of the world.

A8: There is only one god in Daranos, and his name is Reeses. SD agrees with that information.

Canon Information

You have to try Hiccup Potion to see if it gives you hiccups, or cures you of them.