Episode 33

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Episode 33
Special Guests: Deanna Rooney
Writing Prompt: Bandits and Treants
Episode Link: Episode 33

This is the thirty third episode of Fantasy Fiction and the prompts are Bandits and Treants. This week Josh and Dom recorded an episode of Syndication Station. Deanna talked about working on animations for the new Cosmos series.

Josh's Story

Title: Bone Again 2: Whoaaa!

In Rottingspam Forest, former legendary and recently divorced bandit Pantser Carter is having a mid-life crisis. Pantser is in the company of many comely ladies, some of whom are playing a game of orc-head volleyball. When the ball accidentally gets sent flying further into the woods, Pantser drunkenly gets up and stumbles after it. The girls wait for Pantser to return while first days, then weeks, then seasons pass. Meanwhile, Pantser is lost as fuck in the woods, eventually feeling the ground quake when he comes upon a female Buffcat skeleton. Pantser suddenly finds himself being lifted up off the ground by a nearby tree, which reveals that it has been protecting the half dozen kittens of the deceased Buffcat below. The treant accuses Pantser of killing the mother and the kittens are about to attack him, but Pantser's screams persuade them off his innocence, but also cause the treant to drop him. The kittens form a chain and catch Pantser, accidentally pantsing him. On the ground, skeleton lumberjacks have come to cut down the treant, and when they attack when Pantser tells them to stop. With the help of the kittens, Pantser is able to defeat the lumberjacks and defend the treant; afterwards one of the kittens claims to be the son of Buffcat.

Deanna's Story

Title: Boned Again 3: You Bet Your Ass This is Boned Again 3

In a faraway fantasy land Jimmy the bean is tending bar at Bandits Bar and Grill. The bar is usually pretty chill, but on this night a tree nymph named Lisa comes screaming in, exlaiming to Jimmy that her father owes 1 million truples to Tito the treant, and if he can't pay by tonight Tito will kill her and anyone else around. Jimmy forces Lisa out of the bar, but Tito and his gang are waiting just outside and spot them. Tito challenges Jimmy to a race to the death and he accepts. Tito's gang lift him up and put some wheels on him, and Jimmy puts on some cool roller blades. After several minutes of racing and doing sweet tricks, Tito does a grind and accidentally lights himself on fire. Jimmy grabs a cart of koolaid from a nearby druid and throws it on Tito, who starts to glow. After the flash subsides, Tito is turned into a coffee table and gives up his life of bullying people. Lisa tries to kiss Jimmy in thanks, but he pushes her away and flies off and explodes.

Dom's Story

Title: Flab-Ass, the Sausage Eviscerator

On a dope ass, spooky Orcspire night in the Forruk Forest some treants are practicing their fighting moves before their elderly treant master. A song tells us that they are the warriors of the bark. One treant sticks out from the rest, he has black leaves and black bark with magic symbols carved into him and his name is Branchigran. After the training session finishes most of the treants take root to meditate, but Branchigran wanders off into the forest to reflect on his past. He hears several cracks and rushes back to the grove, where he sees a group of bandits beating up the other treants and oiling their muscles with their sap. The bandits are the Disciples of Destruction, lead by Donoroc, the Destroyer. Branchigran enters the clearing and the bandits attack him, and as he is being savagely beaten Stumplin arrives shouting "reinforcements!" and attacks bandits with his sword Twiglin. The carvings in Branchigran's bark start to glow white and goes super saiyan to kill all of the bandits but their leader. Donoroc distracts Branchigran and knocks him out, escaping. Branchigran wakes hours later and wanders into the forest alone.

Canon Information

"Bone hungry" can be used to describe both men and women.