Episode 32.5

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Bonus Episode 1
Special Guests: Reeses, The Wize and Old Snickerdoodle
Writing Prompt: Sea Monsters and Goblins
Episode Link: Bonus Episode: Sea Monsters and Goblins

This is a bonus episode featuring stories by Reeses, The Wize and Old Snickerdoodle. Since they have been not getting their contractually obligated amount of all-see ball time, they used the magical powers of the wizard courts to take over the podcast! This week, Reeses was off wizarding and went to Daranos Wizcon 6942, where he met lots of fans. Snickerdoodle went fishing and used a magical whistling tune he knows to call the fish out.

Reeses' Story

Title: Reality Fiction: Episode 1

In a world where bone cars are made of unenchanted metal and you're you're not allowed to carry swords in public, there lives a redheaded adventurer named Josh Henderson. Josh likes to try to conquer the earth by practicing lightsaber moves in private and making shows with his friend Dom. One day, Barack Obama, President of the Earth realm, calls Josh to thank him for various fantastical deeds and invites him and Dom to Washington D.C. to be awarded the congressional medal of honor for making the dopest podcast. The awards ceremony is also a booty judging contest, and Josh and Dom are the judges. X-wings fly overhead, the booty queens twerk, and Josh and Dom smoke a J rolled in the declaration of independence.

Snickerdoodle's Story

Title: Butt Ass Day

Dominick Moscreepy is a savagely disgusting human who lives in the city of Lost Anglers. One morning, Dom brushes his teeth and hair with a dildo, puts on his trash bag and walks out to the magic-less world. He tries to think of an adventure he could get into, eventually imagining a boat driving down the street, which inspires him to go swimming in the ocean. Dom almost drowns, but finds himself saved by hobgoblin fishermen. Dominick exlaims that he just wanted some adventure and the captain, Coalminer Titlips, pulls the E-break. A horrifying sea monster named Big Stanky suddenly arises and demands "some o dat white meat". The hobgoblins throw Dom into his mouth and he dies. Dom then wakes up from a dream.

Chamber of Knowledge

Q1: What's a day in the life of Reeses and Snickerdoodle like?

A1: Reeses: wake up and brush old Snick-snick's beard, then braid each others remaining hairs, talk about girls they like, and play 7 minutes in heaven with some conjured succubi.

Q2: Who are Battle Keg's main influences?

A2: Snickerdoodle: Ale, Mead, Stouts, a werewolf, and other kegs of non-battle filled with tasty beer.

Q3: What's the least serious transgression that will get you sentenced to the pain mines.

A3: Reeses: Talkin shit about my momma, a general lack of hygiene, or turning down a rap battle.

Q4: Are there pleasure mines?

A4: S: yes, the slaves wear hot pants there with suspenders and no shirt. R: yeah, in my bedroom.

Q5: What is the lowliest profession in your realms?

A5: Daranos: dirt grower. Orcspire: ribbon dancer.

Q6: Yo, I need to know, did UFOs ever exist in Daranos or Orcspire?

A6: S: Ultimate Fighting Orcs? definitely. R: Unfriendly Female Orcs? also definitely.

Q7: If you could ask each other one question, what would it be?

A7: R: don't you want me baaaby, don't you want me, oooooh? S: Why do you hate me?

Fact-on Information