Episode 31

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Episode 31
Special Guests: None
Writing Prompt: Shamans and Executions
Episode Link: Episode 31

This is the thirty first episode of Fantasy Fiction and the prompts are Shamans and Executions. This week Josh went to lovely Connecticut and had a great time, but going through New Jersey was the worst part. Dom spent the whole week watching Night Gallery.

Josh's Story

Title: City of Brotherly Death

On a cold night in the city of Grawl, Sid the Rogue is drinking at Purple McNurple's, which is the worst mead hall in the whole city. Sid is drinking a shot of 400% grain alcohol when an Orc approaches him and calls him a pussy for being married, then says he wants to fuck Ugla. Sid crane kicks the orc, then drags him to the bathroom and slams the orcs dick in a toilet seat. He returns to his seat at the bar and a scrawny old man in a robe made of leaves and sticks approaches and says that Sid's brother, Kidd, The Crazed is in trouble. The hermit leads Sid through the Bonefields, where he opens a hidden entrance by shouting the magical phrase "Where all the white women at?!" Inside the entrance, a skelemancer sells tickets to see Kidd's execution at the price of their sanity. Inside, the pair sees Kidd chained to a post and a crowd of thousands awaiting the execution. Sid and the shaman approach to set Kidd free, and he reveals that he does not want to be rescued because this is actually a sexecution. The sexecutioners, 700 bonehungry wenches, enter the arena to the cheers of the crowd. Sid kills as many of the sexecutioners as he can, but it is not enough - Kidd is already dead. Sid begs the shaman to save his brother, and he tells Sid that he can resurrect him for a price: Sid must sacrifice a part of himself, and his brother will not remember him. Sid agrees and the Shaman cuts two of Sid's fingers off his dagger hand and sings an incantation, Kidd is revived but as foretold, does not remember Sid. As he leaves, Kidd tells the ticket vendor skelemancer that Sid seems familiar, and the skelemancer responds that he thinks Sid is his brother and the hermit is their mom or something.

Dom's Story

Title: Shaman Time

On a night just like tonight, a cave lights up with green and purple light and then is struck by lightning. Danarock Thunderbuns emerges from the cave, having absorbed the magical power previously on display. He laments to himself that he does not have a fair maiden to give backrubs to while he listens to her talk about her day, when suddenly Superfangs shows up and tells Danarock that it is 7 for 2 night at Clankers. Superfangs suggests he goes to try to meet women, and also because Superfangs has a date that night and the date is in that cave. Danarock goes to Clankers alone and sees Shelby Wu and immediately falls for her. He approaches her and asks if she wants to go do something sometime, but she reveals she already has a boyfriend, after which a group of orcs around her prepare to kick Danarock's ass. A female woodelf warrior intervenes to save Danarock, and the two successfully beat all of the orcs into submission. Danarock is captivated by the elf and invites her out to dinner, but she sobbingly explains she is a werebear and therefore they would never work. Danarock tries to reassure her that he loves nature and animals, but she runs away into the night anyway.

Canon Information

Women can be evil. There is a Daranosian saying: "Moondogs will be moondogs."