Episode 28

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Episode 28
Special Guests: None
Writing Prompt: Cursed Items and Portals
Episode Link: Episode 28

This is the twenty eighth episode of Fantasy Fiction and the prompts are Cursed Items and Portals. This week the boys have a new theme song, they were on an episode of That Drawing Show, and they recorded the first episode of Syndication Station. Dom also shipped a bunch of merch.

Josh's Story

Title: The Jazz Singer

Daranos has many kings, queens, and nobles of all sorts, including Jimmy Miceking, king of the mice people. In Raven's Talon, Queen High Duchess Lady Shandra Everluck is a kind and just ruler as jizz inducing as her city. One day her assistant, Gary the skeleman, comes running to Shandra desperately calling for her. Gary has come to alert the queen that the city has quickly devolved into rioting, looting, as foretold in a prophecy regarding her crown: "that crown be cursed as fuuuuuuck". He explains that the crown is reacting to her beauty and peaceful rule, leading Shandra to declare that the crown must be destroyed. The two head into the woods on a quest to destroy the crown, where they are set upon by Gravy Chops and his group of dogmen bandits. Shandra and Gravy Chops leap into the air and do karate for a while, and after landing and fighting some more, she pulls out some chocolate throwing stars, subduing all of the dogmen. She leashes the bandits to her shield like a dog sled, and her and Gary ride the sled deeper into the forest, where they send Gravy Chops and his band over a cliff. Gary and Shandra then finally come to the Great Daranosian Portal to Who the Heck Knows Where, which they have been seeking, and throw the crown into it. After returning to Raven's Talon, Shandra finds that peace has returned to her kingdom and all is well again. Meanwhile, the crown emerges over Queen Axwound's castle, who immediately recognizes the enchanted power in the crown and claims it for herself.

Dom's Story

Title: Jazz

In the center of a black lake there is a black mage tower, which a cloaked black figure is sailing towards in a small boat. The figure reaches the island and removes his hood, revealing that he is a skeleton. A bridge emerges from the tower, which Balnikar, The Severed uses to descend into the boat. Balnikar is a headless wizard, whose head is impaled upon his dopecaster 2000 staff. He and the skeleton sail back towards the outter shore of the lake, where a warrior with a claymore is awaiting them. The warrior claims that Balnikar killed his father and he is there to exact revenge, after which Balnikar blinds him with a blast of light from his head, and then his body beats the shit out of him and drowns him in the lake. The sorcerer then travels to a ghost mine - not a haunted mine, if you swing a pickax around down there ghosts will come out of the rocks. Suddenly, a female elf shoots an arrow at Balnikar, pinning his robe to the ground. She accuses the sorcerer of killing her mother, and declares that she is there to exact her revenge. Balnikar then casts a spell on her forehead, melting the skin and muscle off her face and sending her flying away. He then searches the ghost mine for what seems like days until he finally finds the rune engraved dagger that he has been looking for. As he retrieves the dagger, a male dwarf paladin reveals himself and accuses Balnikar of having killed both of his parents, but Balnikar denies it, claiming the murder was not his style. The paladin apologizes for his mistake and is about to leave when Balnikar stabs him in the forehead with the dagger, killing him and opening a portal from which a blood demon emerges. Balnikar then reveals that he had actually hired the guy who killed the dwarf's parents. The blood demon asks Balnikar what his command is, and Balnikar replies that they are going to kill barbarians.

Chamber of Knowledge

Q1: What do you do with your scrolls after you are done with them?

A1: Snickerdoodle: Whatever we want, whenever we want to. Reeses: sometimes we file them and sometimes we just roll some J's, unless snickerdoodle is hoarding them (the truth is he eats them).

Q2: Is there a reason for the fascination with the moons in Daranos and Orcspire?

A2: Reeses: have you seen the moons? Have you ever danced with a naked wizard in the pale moonlight? Snickerdoodle: the moons are cool because they are like magic - how did they even get up there?

Q3: What are some common illnesses in Daranos and Orcspire?

A3: Snickerdoodle: rickety buttitis. Reeses: booty fever, corn lips, and the common cold aka sicky sicky lay down disease.

Q4: What is a group of batples called and what happens if you eat one? Are there batple trees?

A4: A group of batples is a bushel cloud, eating one turns you into a wooden chair, and there are batple trees. If you nap under a batple tree you will wake up either surrounded by batples or surrounded by batples with knives.

Q5: Is it true that wizard weed is a gateway drug?

A5: Snickerdoodle: gateway to heaven baby! Reeses: it is considered a gateway drug in Daranos, but only if you are standing in front of a gateway when you smoke some and the gateway opens up.

Q6: Is there anywhere in Daranos and Orcspire not filled with danger?

A6: Reeses: You are safe in Base, which is a city. Snickerdoodle: Murder Pond is especially nice in the autumn.

Canon Information