Episode 23

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Episode 23
Special Guests: None
Writing Prompt: Mead Halls and Magic Rings
Episode Link: Episode 23

This is the twenty third episode of Fantasy Fiction and the prompts are Mead Halls and Magic Rings. This week, Josh and Dom are drinking, HARD! Josh talked about Normal Boots relaunch and played The Old Rebublic. Dom had computer problems and played WOW.

Josh's Story

Title: The Tale of Cooter and The Power Ring of The Witch Maiden From HELL!!!

We begin at Grawl's best brothel/steakhouse on a cold, chilly night: The Golden Hindquarters: Ass Emporium and Family Steakhouse. Remember what H.P. Adventureman once said: You don't get second prize for being a pussy, and not adventuring in bad weather, you pussy-ass, bitch-ass, ho-ass wiener boy. Fred, The Skullpeeler is participating in some debauchery, looking for some fun on the cold night. Fred is trying to eat four 72oz ox steaks. He sees an old patron at the bar, makes some wenches who were sitting on his lap fall off his lap, and walks over to the man. Fred dinks from the Orc Spittoon. The man is Cooter Timberfist, either a wise sage of a man, or a master storyteller. The man is intriguing to Fred and sits to hear on of his stories. Cooter tells Fred a story about how he came across a candy house, ate some of the house and killed an attractive witch who lived in the house. Then, in the story, the witch's much uglier sister comes out of the house and tricks Cooter into having sex with her. During the sex, she gives Cooter a cockring of power which allows him to have sex with the witch. After the seconds of sex, Cooter walks to The Golden Hindquarters to get a recovery drink. Fred loves this story and Cooter goes off into the night. After he leaves a pricey-looking hooker comes down the stairs to give Cooter his ring back. The voice of Cooter then tells Fred to keep the Ring, incase he ever needs it.

Dom's Story

Title: Oh, My Magic Rings

We begin on a stormy night at the rowdiest bar in Orcspire, Mead Muscles. Some of the patrons of the bar were Dagger Throwinknives, Jordan Taintripper, Axhandle Skullcleaver, and Johnny One Nip. A group of orcs were drinking mead and seeing who among them was the toughest. Slicer was going against [Face Tenderizer]]. Face beat up his own face, then drank from his blood-stained glass while Slicer cut off his ear, dipped it in the mead, ate it, then calmly sipped his drink. Some dudes were going beyond thunderdome. One guy was minding his own business and got gang-murdered. The ever-terrible Stinkline approached a cumly elf maiden. He tried to flirt, but it resulted in him being piledriven through a chair and being KOed for the rest of the evening. Then, the doors of the entrance were kicked down (and flew into Stinkline) and a patrol of guards filled the bar. The head guard was Slorgsire, high captain of the Guild of Guardsmen. He used to work under Slorgman. He was here to reform this bar and many other bars. The patrons of the bar were getting worried. One ogre stood up against the officers. His name was Gorlock, The Ripping, a frightening ogre with many magic rings. Gorlock then proceeds to murder all the guards for two hours. In the final confrontation with Slorgsire, Gorlock summoned a storm, (struck Stinkline with lightning), sucked the guard into the sky and made it rain with his blood. Gorlock went back into the bar and got drinks for everyone.

Chamber of Knowledge

This week, Reeses, The Wize and Old Snickerdoodle are here.

Q1: What is the most valuable [Ragic]] card out there?

A1: Orcspire: The Wack Lotus. Daranos: The Black Scrotus.

Q2: I paid my fee to Zule Doomfist, but my family was still consumed. Who can I complain to?

A2: Complain to HR, OR, or go to hell. All hail Zule Doomfist.

Q3: Does Tu Ra, Lu Ra, Tu La Ru Lai Ai mean anything?

A3: It summoned a murkmonk, later to be named Gerald.

Q4: What flavors of ice cream exist in your lands?

A4: R: Here we have cold milk, and we have painberry (from the Pain Mines) and burnt wood. S: We have chocolate and wizard chocolate.

Q5: What are some good brothels to visit in D&O?

A5: Nice try cop man... don't go to Hangers.

Q6: What are some other popular bands in your lands (beside Battle Keg)?

A6: D: The Furbeatles, Jaw Bait, Jaw Fist, Jaw Requiem and Black Sabbath. O: Broadsword, Skull Puncher, Tooth Cleaver, and Blues Traveler.

Canon Information

A "Slutty Thud" sounds like Ooooo...ouuuuuh...mmmmmm...oooooo. Murkmonks have sex.