Episode 22

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Episode 22
Special Guests: None
Writing Prompt: Dungeon Traps & Cannibals
Episode Link: Episode 22

This is the twenty second episode of Fantasy Fiction and the prompts are dungeon traps & cannibals. This week, Josh and Dom both watched MST3K. Dom listened to Black Sabbath. Both stories this week are continuations of stories from Episode 21.

Josh's Story

Title: C-Walkin' 3: The Revengering Apocalypse Aftermath: I Can't Remember the Prompts

We begin the story in the hut of the cleric helping Buffcat. The cleric's name is revealed to be Argos Yelasawitz M.D.. Where Buffcat's tail once was now was a morningstar mace (flail). His paws were still enveloped in Death metal, but they were still strong. Sid hates this cleric guy; he was getting stabby. Buffcat and Sid depart from Argos' hut in pursuit of revenge. They reach the crypts to see that it is filled with hoards of Zartal, The Dick's zombies. All the zombies were wielding Death Metal weapons. In order to sneak past the zombies, the duo defile a grave to put on some dead skin and bones; his part is pretty gross. Some zombies discuss how them holding weapons seems kind of contrived. In the midsts of the talking, the zombies all begin to eat one another, because Duh Zombies. The Death Metal is super effective against the zombies. Sid and Buffcat use this distraction to sneak further into the crypts. Continuing forward, they set off some arrow traps and some wizard snakes. Buffcat uses his paws to deflect the magic missiles shot by the snakes. All the snakes blew up. Evading all the traps, they enter the laboratory of Dr. Bonesplitter M.D. only to he the doctor dancing naked with his weiner tucked behind his legs. Sid saw that one coming. Sid then tells Buffcat to take on Bonesplitter 1 on 1 to regain his kittiness. Bonesplitter attacks using Death Metal maces. Buffcat starts to flex, HARD. He flexes right out of the Death Metal paws. Bonesplitter's weapons bounce off the kitty's muscles. Buffcat then swipes Bonesplitter's face using his still-encased-in-Death-Metal-claws; Bonesplitter's face catches on fire and continues to get wrecked by Buffcat. Buffcat then says his signature catchphrase and cuts off the doctor's front tail. Mew! Mewmewmew mew mew mew. Sid then receives a call from Ugla. Fuckin Ugla.

Dom's Story

Title: I Don't Think I Titled The Second Part

Throm and his companions Fuarn and Zalcon have finally reached the crypts of Faldune. Being a rogue, Zalcon searches for a way into the crypt. After admiring the graffiti, he sees a doorknob and opens the door. The graffiti consists of a Battle Keg logo, one of those 'S' things, and a Snickerdoodle Hearts Reeses scribbling. Throm leads the party through the cobwebbed hallways. They come across a skeleton eating a bone sandwich. They throw him out of the crypt because cannibalism is bad. They then meet the particular spider, Cathy. After stating the rules for her home, Zalcon killed her with a well placed arrow. Continuing further into the darkness of the crypt, the group sees some treasure chests, some dead skeletons and one magical furbeetle. Zalcon says there are no traps, only to be hit by so many traps. Throm also gets his by snake traps and many others. The poison caused the Throm to swell up. They went further down the hall were shot by more arrow traps. Fuarn tries to heal Throm using his text by Joel Healbody, but he can't find the right spell. The group finally reached the crypt's center where the ore is kept surrounded by vacant coffins. Five undead dark elves come into the light and as Throm tries to fight them, he becomes paralysed. They deduce the arrows were tipped with poison. The leader of the dark elves approaches Throm and bitchslaps him for many minutes. All the elves start slapping the adventures. After taking many slaps, Throm bites the hand off the elf. He starts to regain some mobility. The other dark elves take a break from Bitchslapfest 2K20, only to have Fuarn and Zalcon begin to fight back. Throm angrily toes through Fuarn's text in search of a healing spell to heal him fully. All the elves were dead. Throm finally heals himself and grabs the ore. Grabbing the ore cause a dragon to be released. The trio escape and outside they hop onto some skeleton horses. The horses were Steads of The Ancient Keepers Crypt. Aka, Rich-Ass Motherfuckin Steadly Horses and once belonged to some rich dudes. The trio were riding as quickly as they could back toward Duldan. The dragon chased the group and Throm fought him as best as he could; meanwhile the Dinner Warrior interrupted his family dinner to tell his family about the wildness happening outside. They finally reach Duldan with the black dragon quick on their heels. Pushing everyone in town aside, The trio reach the smithery of Danith Forgeron. Throm gave the ore to Danith and began to work on the sword. While the sword was being created, the dragon wreaked havoc on the town. The Dragon found the blacksmith and Throm used the newly forged Oforrokth, The Skull Harvester to slay the dragon from neck-to-taint. Throm, now wielding the sword of his destiny, and his companions receive the praise of the citizens on Duldan for slaying the dragon.

Chamber of Knowledge

This week, Reeses, The Wize and Old Snickerdoodle are here. This week, the duo went to the fair.

Q1: How buff is Buffcat?

A1: When he lays around the house, he lays around the house. He is mostly working on his glutes these days. He was born a litter of one and has the number 13 tattooed on his biceps.

Q2: What actions are illegal in D&O?

A2: Orcspire: No smelling people when they don't want to be smelled. No smelling bad. No lying about smelling good. No smelling awful. No talking about how good you smell when you smell bad. No tomatoes on my Wizard Burger. All punishments are death. Daranos: No peeping on cumly bitches. Eating turnips ona Thurmoonsday. Not bowing before Snake Lord Zule Doomfist.

Q3: Who can squat more: Buffcat or Throm? How much could BC's tail curl before it was removed.

A3: No consensus was reached.

Q4: Who crafts the sweetest guitars in D&O

A4: O: Bartholomew Ripshred. D: Willes Paul.

Q5: What jobs do the common humans have in your world?

A5: Reeses: butchers, bakers, etc, but here they can actually make a living. The economy. Snickerdoodle: an adventurer, a stay-at-home parent, a pig farmer, a werewolf, an owlbear, or even an Italian.

Q6: What's all the rage right now?

A6: O: Ladies are wearing beige shirts that say I don't need no man to have fun. D:Cat in the Hat hats with Wizard Weed leaves on it. Slap bracelets that say Don't have a Murkmonk Man!

Q7: What are the most famous children stories in Jjuushdum

A7: D: Cory, The Severely, Mentally Disabled Child: But Don't Make Fun of Him, He Knows Death Spells. O: The Orc and the Free Sex Hole.

An apple with spider legs is playing the saxophone and have a bunch of children.

Canon Information

The wizard snakes wear gold chains. Hollace Hornbeak is a canon name.