Episode 17

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Episode 17
Special Guests: None
Writing Prompt: Tournaments
Episode Link: Episode 17

This is the seventeenth episode of Fantasy Fiction and the prompt is tournaments. Dom missed a shuttle and forgot his microphone, forcing him to use his laptop's microphone to record this episode. Josh experienced driving through the snow. Also, Jack Frost is terrible.

Josh's Story

Title: Battle of the Bards

We begin at a famous tournament in Daranos: Battle of the Bards. All schools in Daranos canceled class in order to show up to the event. Two of the best bards, Canterbury Hawkstrider and Jeremy, were competing for the title of Greatest Bard of All-fucking-shit-ass-fucking-hell-ass-time. The tournament was held at Wizard Yale. Sid and Ugla snuck in together because they're p cute together. Crazenor brought his soon-to-be-reanimated, adopted grandchildren. Buffcat got a box seat for his big muscles. Flyman stayed home do to his crippling sadness. The skull of MC Hammer was the announcer for the evening. Wizard Yale was chosen as the location for it could use magic to project magic images during the event. The two bards trashed talked a bit before beginning singing. Jeremy played his bass and sang about banging Canterbury's sister. Canterbury then played his lute and sang about marrying Jeremy's mom. A winner could not be decided. Suddenly, Lars Blackarmor came out of nowhere to win the tournament for himself; he then sings about his "big dick". Jeremy and Canterbury team up to defeat and pants Lars. The two bards would later go on to form The Furbeatles. Canterbury would later marry and divorce Jeremy's mom. "I'm glad you're not my step dad anymore, but you probably fucked my mom like twenty times at least," would be the bands #1 hit.

Dom's Story

Title: An Untitled Affair

A crowd of all sorts of orcs and other stuff gather at the Dungeon Dome for a special event. This event is sponsored by Wizard Pizza Tower. A goblin started the event: Wizardmania 4. The winner gets a cool sash. A sexy elf came out to sing the Orcspire national anthem; she would go on to sing a sand in peeholes. The sexy lady was really Salami, that scamp. The warriors came out: Luscious Larry, Bone Cold Worrock, and a bunch of other guys. A bunch of ladies went into sex-comas, never to wake up. During the fight, Savage Randy betrayed his partner Tree Wizard; Randy just became a bad guy. This betrayal caused the crowd to angrily gang murder a fan dressed as Randy; RIP Lil' Dip Seapeener. After much fighting, the only two wizards that remained were Larry and Worrock. Larry seemed to defeat and began to taunt the crowd. While he was distracted, Worrock jumper off the top turnbuckle and did a double axehandle smash hitting the back of Larry's head: this killed him. The end... Later though, it would be revealed that Larry wasn't actually dead, but in a secret agreement with Worrock. What will come of this character turn? Tune in to Wizardmania 5. Worrock holds the belt to this day.

Chamber of Knowledge

This week, Reeses, The Wize and Old Snickerdoodle are here.

Q1: What are some of the extracurricular activities at Wizard Yale?

A1: Wizard rowing, wizard tutoring, Wizard Weed growing, and wizard getting-your-hang-down-wet.

Q2: Where is the worst bathroom in the land?

A2: Orcspire: The Manhole, a bathroom/nightclub. Daranos: The Pain Mines' handicapped bathroom, ie, all the bathrooms in the Pain Mines.

Q3: What is the most whimsical food product.

A3: O: The best is Fading Leaf of Whisper Tea. D: Buffcat Serial. Buffcat hasa cartoon.

Q4: What are some common pets in D&O?

A4: O: Dogs: man's best friend, ogre's second best friend. D: sabredogs, kitten eggs, and Pain Mine slaves.

Q5: What is a common hobby for wizards?

A5: R: Learning is the coolest hobby. S: Ragik, weightlifting, and look at sad orcs on their All-see Balls.

Q6: FMK: Sid, Biff Swiftdagger, Buffcat.

A6: S: Screw Sid, kill Biff, marry Buffcat. R: Fuck Biff, marry Buffcat, get killed by Sid.

Reese and Snickerdoodle say they are doing this for community service. Snickerdoodle pissed on a dude's house.