|Writing Prompt:||Enchanted Armor|
|Episode Link:||Episode 13|
This is the thirteenth episode of Fantasy Fiction and the prompt is Enchanted Armor. This week Josh watched the worlds end and didn't like the end. Dom watched a WCW clip with RoboCop. Dom also saw the Charles Schultz Museum and Muir Woods.
Title: Zafel, and the Bonely Mountain
One summer day, when the two suns were shinning brightly, Zafel, The Short was farming. Zafel farms on an old pain mine. Here, he used to farm with his friend Gary after The Great Wizard War of the Third and One Third Age (this may be The Wizard War). The two grew beanstalks in hopes to corner the beanstalk market and get "Fuck you!" rich. On this day, Zafel starts talking to himself, discussing his boredom from lack of adventures and his sadness from Gary not being around anymore. Zafel's horse Blacula ran away from plowing the land, and as he ran, the ground opened up and Zafel fell into a cave. Beside his taint, he was unharmed. Zafel found a torch and saw the cavern was full of treasures. One treasure that caught his eyes was full set of magical armor. The armor was translucent with flames and tribal tattoos painted all over it. As he he approached the armor, the armor talked to him. Zafel yelped, " Sweet Lizard Jesus of Orcspire, What in the name of Dickless Joe are you?" The armor revels his name is Ron, and he used to be the armor for a pain mine foreman. He says he's a lost treasure of Daranos; he is special because he can take any damage from spells (or whatever) and imbue himself with its power. Also, he can talk. Suddenly, the room starts to cave in on itself; Ron wraps himself around Zafel and they escape. Yeah, he's also immune to cave ins. Zafel is grateful to Ron and he invites Ron to be his armor/new friend. That night, Zafel tucks Ron into bed. Zafel put on his pajamas with butt flap and went to bed. Feeling uneasy, Zafel awoke to the sight of Ron hovering over him, watching him. Ron is sent back to bed only to come back a little while later; Ron really wants the 'Z.' The roosters woke the group early in the morning. Zafel suggests they visit The Bonely Mountain. Bonely Mountain lays in the east and it is covered in bones, but it's also where goblins go to get to second and a half base: where you touch 3/4 goblin tits. Deep within the mountain was the hottest lava known to exist in Daranos; it was here where Zafel wanted to to destroy Ron. The two were on their way, but were intercepted by a group of lumberjack orcs. The group demands toll, Zafel offers to give them Ron. As the deal was going down a fireball was misfired from a wizard staff and hit Ron. Ron fired back the fireball and turned some of the orcs into Gary Colemans. The Coleman's ran away in fear. Days later, Zafel and Ron were at their destination: a large crater filled with lava. Wanting to end it, Zafel jumped into the lava. Ron jumped in after Zafel and wrapped himself around him. Fully encased in Ron, the two sunk to the bottom of the lava with no way of getting out. This was a bad day for Zafel, but a pretty good one for Ron.
Title: Longing for Leggings
In the bustling Trademansport, founded by Samuel J. Tradingcloth, Thaddeus Thunderbeard was sauntering through the market. The market was full of familiar faces: Frightnore was buying a wizard hat while Biff Swiftdagger was doing pullups. Thad made a stir as he entered; everyone was peeping his bod. Check out those glutes, aka honeybuns, for the uneducated. Thad smelled of mint on this day. A lanky goblin named Daniel Fiddletin is approached by the treasure hunter. Daniel is a map trader and an aspiring bard. Daniel is starstruck. Thad tells Daniels he is looking for the The Leggings of Maximum Comfort, aka The Dream Jeans. The Dream Jeans were made by troll and master leather maker Gorbindle Jordash. THey saw you fall right to sleep after putting them on. Thad buys a hopeful map and also gets to hears Daniel sing Ignition Remix. Thad goes on his own way and a few days later, he arrives at The Forest of Enchanting Fantasticisms. The forest was guarded by the Knight Owls and leading the guards was head bird, Sir Kingsley Regalius. Regalius greets Thad to make sure he is not to here bring the ruckus. Regalius wanted Thad to visit the the forest's gift shop where all the proceeds go to the Forest's Hospital for Little, Sick, Baby Mice with just the Cutest Little Mouth Coughs. The gates opened and Thad entered the forest. On the way in, he breathed in magical gold flakes which cured him of his scratchy throat. The Forest of Enchanting Fantasticisms is home to many magical creatures: falcoons, Deersnakes, Batples. Do Not Eat A Batple; They'll Turn You Into A Chair! The map led Thad to the ruins of a watch tower. He climbed the tower and found a pair of jeans. He was confused, for they weren't as sexy as he imagined, yet he fell right to sleep. Thad appeared in an empty room, a sword flew toward Thad, but he evaded. Then it there were hundreds of flying swords; then Thad realized these were not The Dream Jeans, but rather the Cursed Nightmare Jeans of the evil warlock Jenko. There was not a clear way to get out of the jeans; Thad tried to move his really body as to escape the jeans. Thad was flopping all around the room until he was at the edge of the stairs. Thad gave himself one more push, but this sent his body rolling, but this sent his body rolling down all the stairs of the tower. The foundation of the tower was being compromised by the muscly body being tossed hither and thither across the steps and walls. Far away, the Dinner Warrior sensed the commotion happening and he let his family know what was going on. The pants finally fell off by the time Thad hit the ground floor. Thad awoke, bruised and bloodied, only to notice that the tower was collapsing. He made it out just in time. Sir Kingsley Regalius came to Thad and praised him for destroying the evil tower that was a plague on the entire forest.
Chamber of (Secrets) Knowledge
Q1: What creature's milk makes the best cheese?
A1: S: Not the racoon, good milkshake, no cheese. R: Not dragon, but human.
Q2: How did Biff Swiftdagger get to command all his owls?
A2: Biff is a wood elf and he is hot. Reeses would give Biff a friendship bracelet, like the one he gave Snickerdoodle. S: I did not receive a friendship bracelet, I got a mood ring. R: Hmmm, maybe I gave it to my other friend. This makes Snickerdoodle's mood ring turn black, which they both say means double love.
Q3: What are your favorite restaurants in D&O?
Q4: Where are Reese & Snickerdoodle, Daranos or Orcspire?
A4: It's in the CHAMBER OF KNOWLEDGE/SECRETS, but sometimes when there's an argument, they'll draw a line down the middle and make half Daranos and the other Orcspire. Reese doesn't like it when he doesn't get the side with the chamberpot.
Q5: Wu Tang Clan
A5: They fear sorcery; it's nothing to fuck with.
Q6: Who is Battle Keg's target demographic?
A6: Everybody, duh.
The two then leave to The Orc's Towel.