Episode 12

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Episode 12
Special Guests: None
Writing Prompt: Snake Lords
Episode Link: Episode 12

This is the twelfth episode of Fantasy Fiction and the prompt is Snake Lords. This week, Josh watched the extended edition of The Hobbit. 'Down, down to Goblin Town' is Dom's jam. Meanwhile, Dom watched the Lord of the Rings movies; Dom cried a lot. Dom also bought a Data action figure for one dollar.

Josh's Story

Title: Snake Labyrinth

We begin with a warrior surrounded by cumly maidens. This warrior if Fred, The Skullpeeler! All the ladies wanted more of the wiener; usually, the girl use Fred's braided beard as handles to ride the F Train to Cumsville. Alas, Fred could not stay, for he was looking for adventure. He grabbed his sword, Orcfister, Slayer of the West, and headed on his way into the brothel's tavern. At the The Golden Hindquarters: Ass Emporium and Family Steakhouse, there hung a painting to glorify Fred, their best customer, and to remember the time he ate a 72oz ox steak, which earned him the title of 'Stake Daddy.' Fred met with his friends Crazenor, Raxnor, and Buffcat. Sid was missing because he was out with Ugla. When Fred greeted the table, he learned of a rare jewel: the Snake Jewel of Insane Strength. Raxnor was afraid of snakes, so he didn't want to pursue it, but that only made Fred more raring to go. After calming Buffcat's fears, Fred left to retrieve the jewel. Fred arrived at Snake Lord Comodo's cave, and was greeted by a Snake Guide. The snake offers to lead Fred to Lord Comodo because Lord Comodo owes the snake five gold pieces. Fred follows the snake into the damp, snake-filled cave. It was creepy; on the wall, one snake spelled, 'FU,' with its body. Fred enters a room full of keys and a door with all sorts of key hole. One hole appeared to be the size of Fred's favorite glory hole. Fred remembered some wise words from his master: "When in doubt, kick the shit out of the shit that's pissing you fuck off." Fred used all is wisdom and came upon an answer; he grabbed the snake guide and used him as a key. Fred only puts his dick into two things, and your mom, and your mom's butt aren't here. The snake was now mangled and Fred proceeded through the door. Fred was now in front of Lord Comodo and his Snake Lord Queen. Lord Comodo summons some snakes which form like armor around him and he engaged in combat with fred. Fred and Lord Comodo begin to fight. Fred slashed his sword, but to no avail; he was disarmed. Just as Lord Comodo was about to finish Fred, the queen stabbed Lord Comodo through the chest; she was tired of the Snake Lord always ignoring her and obsessing over the jewel. Fred bows to her. In exchange for the jewel, Fred lets the queen ride the F Train to cumsville. The snake guide never got his five gold pieces.

Dom's Story

Title: Korroth, The Slave

It was snowing on Blood Mountain, but beneath the surface, snakebeasts were putting their orc slave to work harvesting blood rocks. The mine was run by Synthor, a Snake Lord and blood warlock. The blood was used in blood magic and crafting blood items. All the snakes were bodybuilders, constantly getting swoll in a makeshift gym they constructed in the middle of the mining area. Some workout equipment and moves included dips, cleaning press, curls, bench, taint-longerers, and rows. One day the buffest, smoothest, meanest snakebeast, Smoothbody was doing some mad weight. Another slaver joke challenged him to lift a bar with as much weight as possible on it. Out of the way, Dick Losers, Smoothbody was going to lift it. To get hyped, other slavers hit his nipples with wet spaghetti; yeah, Smoothbody is a weirdo. Smoothbody attempted and failed at lifting the weight. He then got angry one slave who did not stop working to see him lift the weight. This slave was Korroth, and he's been through some shit. He is referred to as Korroth, The Maggot, by Smoothbody. Korroth was broken after war time tragedies. After some failed attempts at whipping Korroth, the snakebeasts put him under the weights and forced him to benchit. The orcs are told to sing, so some orcs begin to sing, 'The Glow,' by Willie Hutch. The snakebeasts laughed at Korroth. Korroth used his pent-up rage and lifted the bar. Things then got hype! One orc named Diamond, starts crumping like a lunatic; dude was spinning on his boner. Korroth was doing rep after rep of the weights , leaving the snakebeasts in speachless. Korroth's body got huge and he began to glow. The room was getting hot due to Korroth's reps; one snakebeast fainted. After 100 reps, the slavers tried to stop Korroth, but he just splattered them. A riot began. Battle Keg started playing out of nowhere. Snakebeasts were dying left and right. Smoothbody was captured and the slaves did atomic leg drops on his body, breaking all his bones. Korroth finished Smoothbody and wore him as a headdress. Let's kill the fucker! Korroth led the slaves to Synthor. Korroth entered the warlock's chamber where he encountered the large, entranced snake lord. Synthor came out of his trance, which summoned blood demons. The slaves fought the blood demons; there was much carnage. One demon swallowed Korroth, only to have him blast out of his stomach. Knowing the battle was lost, Synthor made a blood portal to escape through. Synthor swore he'd get his revenge on Korroth. He also said it was not a loss, because he was one step closer. All the slaves had a huge party.

Chamber of Knowledge

Reeses, The Wize and Old Snickerdoodle are 2 wizards that know all things about Daranos and Orcspire. Reeses mentions that they answer questions because it is part of their parol agreement.

Q1: What is the largest number of cocks you have seen in a single season?

A1: S: Disgusting, how did this get past the owl screeners? R: Seven, on one torso.

Q2: Can anyone be trained to be a wizard, or are they born into it? What are the signs of a wizard baby?

A2: Anyone can be a wizard. Reeses was born into being a wizard: he's a Highborn Wizard Baby Guy (he doesn't through this title around, especially after The Wizard War). While a baby he levitate his crib, he pooped diamonds. Snickerdoodle is bummed to learn more about how magic comes so easily to Reeses.


A3: R: DUNKAROOOOOOS S: Apples, and maybe a slice of sharp cheddar. I turning 362 next summer, so gotta stay healthy.

Q4: What do wizards eat after they've been ghosting that mad wizard cush?

A4: R: Dunkaroos! S: A bag of cheese crinkles (Cheetos) and a green Squeezit.

Q5: Which is better: skeletons or ghosts?

A5: S: Ghosts R: I was going to say skeletons, so now we're going to fight.

Q6: Are Triscuits as dangerous in Jjuushdum as on Earth?

A6: You made a mistake and didn't buy Wheat Thins. S: Triscuits: it's like eating a scarecrow's dick. R: Triscuits: it's like eating a dead pig's rotten scriptum. Don't drink Antifreeze!

Q7: There are wizard universities; are there warrior schools?

A7: Yes!

Reeses and Snickerdoodle are off to the park and go down the slide together.

Canon Information

Nothing reported.