Episode 11

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Episode 11
Special Guests: None
Writing Prompt: Forbidden Spells
Episode Link: Episode 11

This is the eleventh episode of Fantasy Fiction and the prompt is Forbidden Spells. This week, Josh watched Twilight Zone. Dom went to a They Might Be Giants show; some weirdo threw up the double horns.

Josh's Story

Title: The Greatest Spell of Them All.

We begin with our favorite female wizard, Ugla. She was dealing with magic she hadn't dealt with before; she had become smitten with Sid, The Rogue. She was trying to craft a plan to confess her love, but with no good ideas, she decided to use a forbidden love spell: The Love Spell of Getting Insta Buck. The spell was forbidden because most people were using to reanimate their dead wives. The orgy of skeletons and undead which encompassed the mountainsides was later named, 'The Great Bonedown of The Middle Age.' Ugla left to search for Sid. She rode her lowrider, horseless cart to a tavern. She determined that Sid was in this bar, The Ogre Shaft, and her hunch was reaffirmed when she saw dwarf was thrown out of the tavern and then burst into flames. She entered the tavern and found a quiet spot to herself. The bar was filled with orcs, double orcs, pixies, centaurs, gnomes, Norm, from Cheers, and many other races. At her booth, she saw Flyman and his jumpkicking companion Sid. Sid had a rowdy crowd around him. Ugla got out her wand and said the incantation: I don't see nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind. The first shot went toward Sid, only to be ricocheted toward a candelabra, bring it to life. The candelabra was immediately infatuated with Ugla; he want to get up all in them guts, though. Meanwhile, Sid was doing one armed pull-ups while drinking a flaming flagon of mead. A small gnome rogue said some shit directed at Sid. Sid kills him by kicking him to a dartboard, the bullseyeing him to the wall. Ugla tries to shoot the love spell at Sid again, but the candelabra started doing the hustle and knocked her off her mark; her second shot hit Flyman. Flyman made eye contact with Ugla, but then stated how he was unable to love. While Flyman was crying acid tears into his now melted mug, Sid asked him how he was doing. Flyman told him his suicidal thought: classic Flyman. On the third try, Ugla finally hits Sid in the dick. Just being hit in the dick, Sid is furious; he is unaffected by the love spell and he calls out whoever tried it on him. Sid's eyes meet Ugla's. He jumpkicks his way over to Ugla to confront her. He remembers her from The Cave Heist. Sid tells Ugla that all she needed to do was talk to Sid to get his attention. Ugla is self conscious of her beard. Sid's retort: Well, do the curtains match the face? Ugla takes Sid's hand and they danced into the night. Sid later scrapbooked the whole evening. Flyman pessimistically guesses the relationship will last a month.

Dom's Story

Title: NO RULES!

It was a bright, moon-autumn day when the wizards were heading to class at Wizard Temple University (Go Wizard Owls!). One wizard was making quite an entrance this day, darkside grinding and doing all sorts of tricks, finishing by flipping off the Wizard Principal. This rambunctious student was Radakast, The Wild Wizard, and he was quickly sent to the principal's office. Radakast was brooding in the waiting room. He wore a black leather jacket over his black cloak; he had patches of his favorite metal bands: Battle Keg, Orc Skull, and Broadsword, an all female band. He hid his face behind a long black beard and dark black sunglasses. The principal began to talk to Radakast about his poor behavior. Sidenote: Radakast is the Orcspire Bart Simpson. Principal strikes a chord when he brings up the topic of Radakast's parents. Principal invokes Rule 6871: No darkside grinding in the hallway; those who break the law will repeat the 121st grade. When leaving, Radakast doubledowns, the act of flipping off someone with both hands turned upside down, and turns one of the principal's favorite paintings into a painting of a dog's butt. Rad heads to his favorite class: summoning. While handing out the textbook, the teacher lets the class know that there is a section on forbidden spells and they shouldn't look at at those pages. Rad takes the book and heads home. At home he begins with one the forbidden spells; out of his cauldron he births a blue demon, Phil to do his evil bidding. Radakast sends his minion off to do whatever. For his second spell, Radakast does all the other spells at the same time. After adding the final ingredient, the lips of an orc's brother-in-law, the final product formed. Out of the black mist walked a hoard of Hat Skeletons. The first Hat Skeleton came out singing: XOXO Hat Skeleton. The Skeleton looked deep into Radakast's eyes, causing the wizard to see unspeakable horrors. Radakast started to turn grey and his eyes turn from red to black. Horn sprout while more and more Hat Skeletons leave the cave. Wizard Principal shows up to reprimand Radakast; Principal is upset to see so many Hat Skeletons. Radakast turns to Wizard Principal, and in his new state, he declares himself 'Radik, The Wycked Wizard!' Radik shoots a green spell at the principal, causing him to jump to his own death.

Chamber of Knowledge

Reeses, The Wize and Old Snickerdoodle are 2 wizards that know all things about Daranos and Orcspire.

Q1: What is Halloween like in D&O?

A1: R: You go door-to-door and then say, "Give me some fruit, or I'll fucking murder you!" S: Door-to-door, then say, "Hellooooo, give me a fruit." Also, you can do that anyday during the week of Halloween.

Q2: What's the next big holiday in D&O, besides Beer's Day?

A2: R: All Whiskey's Eve. S: All Weed's Eve.

Q3: How did you handle your student loans after Wizard Yale?

A3: S: Go to a community college; it's cheaper and you may learn a thing or two. R: I conjured up gold to pay for it. Snickerdoodle is jealous and furious at Reeses.

Q4: What is the creepiest/rank ghoul that lives in Orcspire?

A4: The Dalapados: it's complicated. He wanders the world, looking for his lost sister.

Q5: Name the four smelliest things.

A5: Daranos: Orc taint, orc's discarded ass tampons, used orc condom used on an old dragon, and skunks.

Q6: Do you also practice alchemy?

A6: R: Duh, that was first year stuff at Wizard Yale. S: At my college, that was third year stuff. Reeses had a much more fulfilling, useful college experience.

Q7: How did Biff Swiftdagger come to gain control of so many owls.

A7: He's super handsome. Have you seen his charisma? It's like over 600 charisma.

Q8: What was Gary/Gari like before he was a skeleton?

A8: R: He was a very nice guy. A swell dude. He was still nice after the Apple Knights killed him, but he couldn't do as much work. Snickerdoodle sings a song about Gari... it's not too bad. =) S: Gari was a starfucker.

The two later went on to have a fort fight. Snickerdoodle made brownies.

Canon Information

Nothing reported.